Fear of the Unknown



So I have been working the last two months as a waitress. And let me tell you, it is not as easy as when I was in my early twenties. I go home some days exhausted, sore but grateful that I have a job.

I look at my husband, who has been laid off at home since October and sometimes I feel frustrated. How can someone with a Bachelor’s Degree in Mechanical Engineering, not find a job??? But, I know that he has applied to numerous jobs. He has gone on a few interviews and nothing has panned out. He has been offered jobs if we want to move, that is not happening. So the What Ifs have started to creep in.

What Ifs

What if my husband doesn’t find a job by the time I need to start homeschooling again?? In September I will be tutoring at my local Classical Conversations homeschool group. I am so excited to be a tutor. I used to be a public school teacher and I miss the kids a lot, so being able to have my own classroom again is like a God send. I also run our local youth fall soccer program. So in Septmber and October I am really busy. If my husband doesn’t find a job, I am not sure that I will be able to do these things that I love.

What if I have to keep working at my job in the fall, what will homeschooling look like?? My husband has already said that he will help teach the kids in the fall, if we need to. I am so grateful to hear that he will do whatever needs to be done, and maybe it is the teacher within me, but I want to be the one who homeschools our kids in the fall. I feel like I already know what I am doing and that I am able to help them the most when it comes to their educational needs.

What if we can not figure out a way to financially meet our families needs?? I think about our bills right now and feel a little overwhelmed. I know in about 4 years we will be a lot better off financially. A lot of our debt will be paid off, it’s just getting to that point. I also know that there are certain things that we can do without, including out t.v., certain groceries and other things. I feel frustrated to be back at this point. I mean I have a Masters Degree in Elementary Education and my husband has a Bachelors Degree. We thought that we would be much better off financially than we are.

My, what ifs, could keep going all day if I let them, but I refuse to live that way anymore.

Releasing the Anxiety

So after a few sleepless nights, I sat down to analyze why I couldn’t sleep. What was going on in my life that was robbing me of my peace?? It led me to realize that I hadn’t been spending time with God. I would wake-up in the morning, get ready for work, or sleep in later because I was tired. I didn’t start my day with the One who controls everything. The One who gives me peace and understanding. The One who gives me strength in my times of need. Things needed to change and they did.

I made it a point to get out of bed, no matter what and spend time with God. I have to have His wisdom and Word wash over me in the morning to allow the anxiety to go away. All of my what ifs have seemed to be quieted.

” Those who try to hold on to their lives will give up true life.

Those who give up their lives for me will hold on to true life.”

(Matthew 10:39)

I have been so busy focusing on what I want, here in my earthly life, that I am not listening to God. I am not giving up my life to Him. I want to be in control again because life has felt uncomfortable lately. I want things to go back to the way that they were when my husband had a good job, I stayed home and took care of the house and the kids. That was comfortable to me. But what if God is trying to lead us in a new direction. In the middle of my stubbornness I may be missing God’s plans for our family. I may be missing another adventure.

So today as I am writing this to you, I reminding myself who is in control. Reminding myself that I need God. That I can try to run my own life and my family’s life right along with it, but where will that take us, say 10 years down the road. Now that is a scary thought.

I throw my hands up and give this problem to God. Because if I try to figure it out on my own, we are going to be in trouble.

May you see your need for God. Stop trying to figure life out on your own. Put your hands up to God, right now. Tell Him that He can take whatever problem it is that you have. That He can figure it out for you. Then spend time in prayer and reading the Bible everyday. Just listen and know that God will show you the way. May all of our eyes and ears be truly opened to see what God is trying to show us.

I posted this one year ago. My husband now has a great job. God is good at all times!!


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Oh, You Need an Attitude Adjustment!!


I don’t know about you, but there are days that being a stay-at-home mom is not so appealing. I want to throw in the towel, go lay on the beach by myself somewhere, with no husband and no kids, and just be all alone. Soaking up the peace and quiet. Enjoying the sunshine without kids screaming and my husband tugging on me because he is horny again. And sometimes it seems like those days creep in more than other times. So the other day I asked myself, why is it that there are times when I want to give up being a stay-at-home mom? God answered with, you need an attitude adjustment.


Seeing it Through God’s Eyes

So many days I wake up with a check list in my head. I need to get this done and this done and this done and before the day even begins, and then, I am stressed out. There is so much to do and so little time to do it in. Then my kids wake up and they’ll ask me questions or want things and I will get grumpy because I feet like there is already too much on my plate. AWWWW!! (more…)

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Be Careful Little Eyes What You See!!


 I don’t know about you, but as I mom, I seem to notice more inappropriate images every where that I go with my kids. I get so frustrated that they see images (usually of women) dressed inappropriately all the time. I currently have a 9 year old daughter that is such a girly girl. She loves fashion and just girly things in general.  Dressing modestly is something that is very dear to me, and I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.

How, What the Eyes See Affect Our Thoughts

Think of the time that you were driving down the road and saw a sign with a juicy hamburger and thought, wow, I could really go for a hamburger right now. You start to crave that hamburger and your thoughts are nothing but, how hungry you are all of sudden. The same thing is true when it comes to sexual images portrayed around us.

Younger Kids

Early exposure to sexual content in the media may have a profound impact on children’s values, attitudes and behaviors toward sex and relationships. Unfortunately, media portrayals do not always reflect the message parents want to send. (more…)

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I Don’t FEEL Like Adulting Anymore


Today I woke up and felt tired. I felt sad, annoyed and just grumpy. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to clean the dog pee on the floor or make my kids breakfast. I didn’t want to make my husband his lunch. And I definitely didn’t want to wash the dishes, do the laundry, pick up the house, or the other never ending list of chores that I always have.

I do NOT FEEL like adulting anymore. I QUIT!!! (more…)

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No More!! I Am Enough!!


I just want to be enough for once. I have been told that I am crazy and unlovable for far too long. I have let man control who I am. I have spent too much time worrying about what others think of me. Well no more!! I confess I am broken. I am a sinner. I am nothing compared to God. By God’s grace, I am good enough.

Knowing That You Are Needy

The little girl who falls and scrapes their knee, needing someone to clean the wound, bandage it and hold her till it heals. That is me. I want to be tough and all put together, but I am not. I am so needy. Needy of a savior that strengthens me.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be needy. Growing up, I was told to be tough. Do NOT cry. You are tough. But, I’m not!!! I need Jesus. I need to fall apart and have someone catch me. And no one, no human can consistently be there to catch me. Only God can hold me, restore me, make me whole again. Enough, to stand again and feel joy. Enough to rise above it all, into a cloud of peace. To feel the sun, smell the roses and stop to love again. Only God makes me enough.

Stop trying to be enough. It will never happen. Only Jesus can do that. Jesus already died for you. He already paid the ultimate sacrifice. He died to save us from our sins. When he died, he tore the veil in the temple, allowing normal people to finally be able to approach God and talk to him. He gave us a way to make it to Heaven, that did not include a whole list of good deeds that had to be done first. By God’s grace alone, you are saved. Grace means to love those that do not deserve it. That is me in a nutshell. Everyday I sin. Everyday I make a mistake. But, everyday God still loves me. God still holds me close and calls me his daughter. Amen!! (more…)

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