Fear of the Unknown



So I have been working the last two months as a waitress. And let me tell you, it is not as easy as when I was in my early twenties. I go home some days exhausted, sore but grateful that I have a job.

I look at my husband, who has been laid off at home since October and sometimes I feel frustrated. How can someone with a Bachelor’s Degree in Mechanical Engineering, not find a job??? But, I know that he has applied to numerous jobs. He has gone on a few interviews and nothing has panned out. He has been offered jobs if we want to move, that is not happening. So the What Ifs have started to creep in.

What Ifs

What if my husband doesn’t find a job by the time I need to start homeschooling again?? In September I will be tutoring at my local Classical Conversations homeschool group. I am so excited to be a tutor. I used to be a public school teacher and I miss the kids a lot, so being able to have my own classroom again is like a God send. I also run our local youth fall soccer program. So in Septmber and October I am really busy. If my husband doesn’t find a job, I am not sure that I will be able to do these things that I love.

What if I have to keep working at my job in the fall, what will homeschooling look like?? My husband has already said that he will help teach the kids in the fall, if we need to. I am so grateful to hear that he will do whatever needs to be done, and maybe it is the teacher within me, but I want to be the one who homeschools our kids in the fall. I feel like I already know what I am doing and that I am able to help them the most when it comes to their educational needs.

What if we can not figure out a way to financially meet our families needs?? I think about our bills right now and feel a little overwhelmed. I know in about 4 years we will be a lot better off financially. A lot of our debt will be paid off, it’s just getting to that point. I also know that there are certain things that we can do without, including out t.v., certain groceries and other things. I feel frustrated to be back at this point. I mean I have a Masters Degree in Elementary Education and my husband has a Bachelors Degree. We thought that we would be much better off financially than we are.

My, what ifs, could keep going all day if I let them, but I refuse to live that way anymore.

Releasing the Anxiety

So after a few sleepless nights, I sat down to analyze why I couldn’t sleep. What was going on in my life that was robbing me of my peace?? It led me to realize that I hadn’t been spending time with God. I would wake-up in the morning, get ready for work, or sleep in later because I was tired. I didn’t start my day with the One who controls everything. The One who gives me peace and understanding. The One who gives me strength in my times of need. Things needed to change and they did.

I made it a point to get out of bed, no matter what and spend time with God. I have to have His wisdom and Word wash over me in the morning to allow the anxiety to go away. All of my what ifs have seemed to be quieted.

” Those who try to hold on to their lives will give up true life.

Those who give up their lives for me will hold on to true life.”

(Matthew 10:39)

I have been so busy focusing on what I want, here in my earthly life, that I am not listening to God. I am not giving up my life to Him. I want to be in control again because life has felt uncomfortable lately. I want things to go back to the way that they were when my husband had a good job, I stayed home and took care of the house and the kids. That was comfortable to me. But what if God is trying to lead us in a new direction. In the middle of my stubbornness I may be missing God’s plans for our family. I may be missing another adventure.

So today as I am writing this to you, I reminding myself who is in control. Reminding myself that I need God. That I can try to run my own life and my family’s life right along with it, but where will that take us, say 10 years down the road. Now that is a scary thought.

I throw my hands up and give this problem to God. Because if I try to figure it out on my own, we are going to be in trouble.

May you see your need for God. Stop trying to figure life out on your own. Put your hands up to God, right now. Tell Him that He can take whatever problem it is that you have. That He can figure it out for you. Then spend time in prayer and reading the Bible everyday. Just listen and know that God will show you the way. May all of our eyes and ears be truly opened to see what God is trying to show us.

I posted this one year ago. My husband now has a great job. God is good at all times!!


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Oh, You Need an Attitude Adjustment!!


I don’t know about you, but there are days that being a stay-at-home mom is not so appealing. I want to throw in the towel, go lay on the beach by myself somewhere, with no husband and no kids, and just be all alone. Soaking up the peace and quiet. Enjoying the sunshine without kids screaming and my husband tugging on me because he is horny again. And sometimes it seems like those days creep in more than other times. So the other day I asked myself, why is it that there are times when I want to give up being a stay-at-home mom? God answered with, you need an attitude adjustment.


Seeing it Through God’s Eyes

So many days I wake up with a check list in my head. I need to get this done and this done and this done and before the day even begins, and then, I am stressed out. There is so much to do and so little time to do it in. Then my kids wake up and they’ll ask me questions or want things and I will get grumpy because I feet like there is already too much on my plate. AWWWW!! (more…)

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I Don’t FEEL Like Adulting Anymore


Today I woke up and felt tired. I felt sad, annoyed and just grumpy. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to clean the dog pee on the floor or make my kids breakfast. I didn’t want to make my husband his lunch. And I definitely didn’t want to wash the dishes, do the laundry, pick up the house, or the other never ending list of chores that I always have.

I do NOT FEEL like adulting anymore. I QUIT!!! (more…)

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The Frustration of Puzzle Pieces that Don’t Fit


Our life can be like that too. I do not know how many times I have thought, “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose on this earth?” I have felt so small, so unimportant to the world that I have wondered, “Am I even suppose to be here?” But then I met God, things started to change.

The Puzzle Master

Life can be like a bunch of puzzle pieces that do not make sense. I remember waking up one morning wondering how I got there. Looking at the mess that I was in, knowing that this is not where I wanted to be. Somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn and now life didn’t make sense at all. I didn’t know what to do, or where to turn, so I just started praying. I even started going to church because I didn’t think that life could get any lower.

Back then I wanted God to fix my life the way that I wanted Him to. Just like when I am doing a puzzle, I start with the outside pieces then I sort the inside pieces, it makes the process so much easier. That is what I wanted God to do with my life. I wanted him to make my life easier, but in my way.

What if that isn’t how it works? What if he creates each puzzle piece as he goes, working from the inside out?


Frustration set in. What do you mean that you are not going to fix my life and make it easier, that is why I started praying to you.


“Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing

in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things.”

(Ecclesiastes 11:5)

God is often unpredictable and mysterious. At first, this can be an overwhelming idea. I never wanted to deal with more unknowns. I wanted an answer, a savior, a knight in shining armor. I didn’t want to have to trust in something again, something that didn’t make any sense to me. But that is exactly what He was asking of me.

Faith is believing the pieces will fit perfectly even when we don’t know how ~ Cyndy Sherwood

I had to stop demanding that God do things my way. I had to trust and let him take over the puzzle called life.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge 

Him, and He will make your path straight.” (Provers 3:5-6)

This is what I had been asking for all along. Please Lord make my life easier. And as I started to trust Him more, the easier it was to see how the puzzle pieces were going to fit together. Life seemed to make more sense.

Not ALL The Pieces Fit

I remember being a teenager and having so many dreams. I didn’t want to have kids. I wanted to live in a city. My dream job was being a graphic designer for a major corporation. I wanted the money, the big house or condo. But God had another plan.

I am now a homeschooling mom. I used to be a public school teacher and quit my job to follow God. I work part time as a waitress at a local winery. I have three kids 16, 9 and 6. I have been married and divorced. I have been remarried now for 5 years. My life is God, my kids, my husband and this website. I never thought in a million years that I would one, have to trust in God and rely on Him for everything in my life. And two, that God would call me to quit my job and then financially have to trust my husband to provide. That was the hardest one. I was always that girl who took care of herself. I didn’t need anyone else.

Just like, when I am doing a puzzle and the pieces start to look the same. I get confused and frustrated. Sometimes I had to pick up piece after piece and keep trying them till one fit. This process was tedious and frustrating. Life is the same way. When we try to fit a piece into our puzzle called life and it doesn’t fit, we have a tendency to just pick up another piece and try that one too. After 20 pieces that do NOT fit we start to feel like a failure. Depression can set in. Darkness seems to want to swallow you whole. And maybe even the thought of giving up creeps into your mind. I have been there.


” The Lord isn’t really being slow about His promise, as some people think. No, he is being 

patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to 

repent.” (1 Peter 3:9)

But what if we put the puzzle pieces down? What if we let God put them where they belong or even create new pieces that we didn’t see before? Would we be so bold as to let Him?

Allowing God to be the Puzzle Master, let’s us focus on what is important. RIGHT NOW!! The darkness begins to lift. We see puzzle pieces that begin to fit. Pieces that are a brighter color than before. And even if we still cannot see the end picture, I know that it will be a picture that is more beautiful than I can imagine.

” ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and 

not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will

listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you.’

says the Lord.” (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

So stop trying to fit the puzzle pieces of LIFE together. Give it to God. Let Him be the one that creates your life. I promise the picture at the end will be more beautiful than you have ever imagined.

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How to View Peace Within God’s Presence


Last time I posted a blog we talked about How The World Views Peace!! Today we are going to take a look at what peace looks like within the presence of God. Peace is not the absence of conflict, it’s the calm within the storm. It’s having faith in the One True God and knowing that He knows better than we all do. 

The Shoes on Your Feet

I started a new job, as a waitress about three weeks ago. I had to have black shoes for work. I must have tried on about 25 different pairs of shoes before I found the shoes that I liked. It didn’t matter what they looked like, only what they felt like. I knew that if I didn’t find a good pair of shoes for my feet that I would be in a lot of trouble. My feet are what gets me around at work. If they are in pain then working becomes unbearable.

The same thing goes for our relationship with God:

“For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so

that you will be fully prepared.” (Ephesians 6:15)

     How many days, do we wake up and not put on the correct pair of shoes? Yet, we expect that we will be able to have peace through out the day. It’s like, trying to wear a pair of flip-flops when hiking through mountainous terrain. It’s not comfortable. It makes your hike harder and more painful. But, we keep doing the same thing expecting the same result. Insanity to say the least.

     So how do we change the amount of peace that we have in our lives? From the “Good News” of God. Taking time to read the Bible everyday is not a want, it’s a need. Learning to make it a priority will change your life. Now, it will not change all at once. It takes time to create a new habit of peace.

     A life without peace, is simply put, a life without God. It hinders us from maturing the way that God wants us to live.

     I tried forever to have peace on my own. It never worked. The harder I tried to have peace, without making God’s Word my main focus, the worse things got. My anxiety went through the roof. I wanted so badly to just have a peaceful existence. I kept thinking, well once this storm passes then I will have peace. Once, my child grows out of this stage, I will have peace. Once, I go on vacation from my stressful job, I will have peace. The thing was, that even when my circumstances changed, the amount of peace that I felt in my life didn’t change.

So how do I go about getting the right pair of shoes on my feet?

Jesus’ Peace 

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

     When Jesus died for us, He left His peace for us at his feet. The very place on our bodies, that we need to cover and protect. The correct shoes that we require each day to feel peace, starts with Jesus.

     There have been so many times that I have stopped whatever I am doing and asked Jesus to give me His peace. Not the peace of the world as we know it, but, the true calmness of His peace.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and

the door will be opened to you.” (Mattew 7:7)

     When all we have to do is just ask, you better believe that I am going to take advantage of that. It’s as simple as praying to God and saying, “Lord, I need Jesus’ peace today. Not the peace of the world, but the peace from your son, who died for my sins. Let His peace wrap its’ arms around me and hold me today.”

     Within five minutes, I feel a warmth just wash over me, and peace be still my heart. The peace of Jesus takes your life and slows it down. It helps you to realize that God’s peace far supersedes any understanding of what peace means here on earth.

Wearing The Right Pair of Shoes

     We know that we need to ask Jesus for His peace in times of trouble, or even before trouble begins. Learning to pray and ask God on a regular basis for Jesus’ peace allows the Holy Spirit within you to grow and create a more peaceful inner self.

     We also need to be in the Good News of God everyday. The Bible contains wisdom in our world that is unmatched by anything else, yet it seems to be put on the back burner for when we are in trouble, or actually have time to read it.

     What if we changed our pattern of life and made reading the Bible a priority?

     Right now I want you to make a plan for when you are going to read the Bible everyday. Even if it is only for 10 minutes, get into a habit of being in God’s Word everyday.

If you are not sure where to start take a look at this app:

bible I love this app. It has a lot of different daily reading plans that you can choose from.

You can also order a FREE daily devotional called Our Daily Bread. These books have short stories along with a Bible reading for the day. It usually takes me about 15 minutes a day to get through each reading.

daily bread

If you have been reading the Bible almost everyday, but you feel like you are doing out of guilt, then try taking notes as you read. I purchased a journal last year and now as I read the Bible I write down verses that I really like. I also write down any questions that I have and then I look up that verse on biblehub.com for the answers. Next I write down the answer in my journal, right next to where the question was. This has allowed me to have a better understanding of what I am reading and enjoy reading the Bible more.

Whatever you have to do to be in God’s Word everyday, please do it. It is more important than you can possibly know.

Please comment below on what your plan is for reading the Bible everyday.

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