House or Home Parenting – Week 3
This book study comes from Chip Ingram’s House or Home Parenting Edition book study. I really suggest ordering this series: http://livingontheedge.org///broadcasts/series?name=house-or-home-parenting-edition&mt=TV.
Week 3 – What’s a Parent to do? Session 1
Using Ephesians 6 this week, Chip Ingram talked about how to be a good parent that will help you to produce Godly, responsible and good kids.
God’s Prescription for Positive Parenting- (Please read Ephesians 6)
As I listened to Chip talk about 4 things that will help make you a good parent I had a “light bulb” moment. He talked about how we view discipline. I think of discipline as punishment, something that hurts, makes me angry and makes the kids cry. Chip brought up the view that discipline is, “what is done to the child.” Okay, that makes sense. Then he went on to say that discipline is nurturing and training your children to become who you want them to be. So I stopped and thought about how nurturing I was. On a scale of 1-10 I would give myself a 6. I am pretty good at talking with the kids and modeling what I want done, but, I still yell and have a tendency to not listen. “We are to parent with love and with limits.” I know that I am really good at setting limits (t.v., music, clothing, friends, etc.), but I need to work on keeping these limits in check with a softer tone and more loving words.
4 Kinds of Parents
There are 4 types of parents. A permissive parent is one who is fearful. They are “high in love and low in discipline.” They are afraid to discipline their child, because their child might not like them anymore. As a former public school teacher I ran into a few parents that felt this way. They constantly lived in fear and guilt of hurting their child’s feelings. What they didn’t understand, was that they were setting their child up for failure in the future. Do you think that the real world will spare your child’s feelings if they do something wrong? By then, they can not handle it. Children with permissive parents “have low self-esteem and inferiority.”
A neglectful parent is the worst. They do not love or discipline. Parents like this should not be parents. Please if you spend more time on your smart phone, computer, watching t.v., then you do even looking at your kid, STOP!! Your child craves your attention more than anything.
An authoritarian parent is “high in discipline and low in love.” These parents expect their kids to be perfect all the time. The small things that their children do wrong, they blow up about it. Everything is a battle and their kid(s) are never good enough, at least you don’t tell them that. It is the worst feeling in the world to want someone to be proud of you, but they never say it. “Result is that the child is provoked to rebellion, anger or depression.”
An authoritative parent is “high in discipline and high in love.” This is the best type of parenting. You set limits but do it with love. Your children need to know that you care. Disciplining your children shows them that you love them. Kids actually crave being disciplined and having limits set, because then they know that you love them. It takes time to set and enforce limits. A parent that cares, will take the time to talk to their kids about the limits that are in place in their family, and why they have those limits. It is not easy being a good parent. But, that is our job. It is the most important job that anybody can have. Please take it seriously just like you do your real job, or your hobbies or other things that take up your time.
*Please read Hebrews 12:4-11
Like I said earlier, Chip talked about the proper view of discipline and how different it is from the American Societies’s view. “It is necessary to discipline our children to keep them from destruction.” “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”(Proverbs 19:18). This verse lets me know that God is telling us that if we do not discipline our children, that we are leading them to death. I in no way, want any part of that. ”
“The means of discipline is actions and words. The motive in discipline is to express love.” Putting these two ideas together let’s you parent effectively. Set limits and enforce them, but also love your kids. Hug them, talk with them, tell them that you love them, spend time with them, be crazy and have fun. Your kids are only little once. “The overall goal is to teach them obedience.” We want our kids to stop being selfish and self-centered.
I need to set a specific goal as a parent so that I know where to set limits and how to enforce them. I know that the biggest goal for me is to have children, that when they are grown-up, believe in God and help others. These are two things that mean a lot to me. To get to this goal I need to have limits on what type of television that my kids watch. We try to limit t.v. in our house. Some days are better than others. I have a 14 year old who can not watch romance, horror shows, things with bad languages or shows that set a bad example. We have really cut out a lot of the shows that we used to watch, because the language and ideals where not okay with us anymore. We also set limits with music. The clothes that we all wear need to be modest. My girls have to do the modesty test before we buy anything. Other limits are social media with our 14 year old. She is allowed to use our Facebook account to keep in touch with family members and friends that she has on their. Also her phone goes off at 9 p.m. and must be in the living room, where we can see it. We have an app that lets us know her activity on instagram, texting and phone calls. Finally we talk about issues all the time together and try to make sure that we are all on the same page.
From this session I take away the idea of setting limits with love. I know that I need to work on being a little more gentle. Loving my kids for who they are, while pushing them towards God. I pray that God gives me the strength for this journey. I know that I will need His help because I will make mistakes. I will fall short, but with God I will become the parent that I was meant to be.
I pray that you have noticed some area, while reading this, that you need to work on. Please share with me what area that you need to work on. Thank you for joining me on this journey.