Carrying Too Much “Fleight” (Family & Weight)
Sometimes my purse, which is like a black hole, can become very heavy and annoying to carry around. By the time that I have finished doing the grocery shopping, I swear the shoulder that held my purse looks sunken in. I feel like I am walking crooked and my whole body needs a new alignment. Family and relationships can feel the same way. But, maybe we are going about it all wrong.
I don’t know about you, but, I definitely have days where being a parent wears me out physically, emotionally and spiritually. I can come to the end of my rope and want to throw my hands up and say, “I am done!!” Lately, I seem to be at the end of my rope more than usual.
I have a 15 year old daughter, that for the most part is wonderful. She goes to school everyday. She gets her homework done. She doesn’t talk back very much at all. Then there is the side of her, that drives me NUTS!!! Nothing seems to ever be her fault. She constantly blames others around her and can not seem to understand, that she has some blame in most of the situations that happen to her. The other night, she proceeds to tell me that her and I do not have a relationship. Which totally baffled me???? We talk everyday after school about her friends, how school went, her boyfriend, sports and so much more. I am there for all of her sports games. We spend time watching our favorite shows together or playing board games. Her friends even take time to call or message me when they need to talk. So this was news to me. I looked at her, of course upset, and asked “What do you mean?” “In what ways do we not have a relationship?” She proceeded to tell me that, she is nervous to talk to me about things that she has done wrong. I understand that, I have some pretty high expectations for her, that I have tried to work on relaxing a little bit this past year, but, either way I am her mom, not her friend. We continued to have a conversation that led to her being frustrated and me being hurt and angry.
Then, come to find out, she has been texting her boyfriend during school hours, when she shouldn’t be. Not just texting him a little bit, I mean over a 100 texts a day. On top of that, she continued to tell me that she doesn’t really have any friends at school. I tried to point out that maybe it was because she was too busy texting her boyfriend all day, and others felt rejected because of it. I suggested that she take more time to talk to the other girls around her. For some reason, that day, she blew up. She even said that she, “hated living in this home.” By the time it was all said and done, her step-dad removed the door from her room, she was grounded from her phone and I called the counselor at school and asked her to start seeing our daughter once a week. How did we get here, when all we were trying to do was set boundaries on her phone and help her with her friends?
How quickly things have become more complicated as she has gotten older. I’m trying to learn how to communicate with her in a respectful way but still have solid boundaries. She is trying to push back more and is getting upset when we do not really budge.
My 8 year old daughter, has had a hard time lately with her snide, snotty remarks. She is constantly being grumpy and angry at everyone around her. I have tried being calm with her, constantly. I have talked with her about her attitude and asked her if she is mad at something. Every time I ask, it is always, “NO!!” I asked her today if she wanted toast with her eggs for breakfast, she replied, “YEAH, I guess so,” in a really rude voice. I have put her in time out for days, every time that she says something in a insulting way. I have made her do chores every time that she quips a remark back at someone. Nothing has seemed to work and the weight of trying to fix this is getting so heavy that I found myself, holding on to her arms and yelling at her today. God, what has gotten into me??
My 8 year old daughter, has also had a hard time getting along with friends lately too. She is constantly bossing people around, telling them what to do. I watch her friends get frustrated and not want to play with her anymore. Sometimes, she has tried to listen and do what others want, but for the most part she is hard to get along with.
My 5 year old son, whose smile is infectious, has had a hard time with anger lately. He will yell at me or his sisters. He gets mad when we have to do school or chores. He even gets mad when we have to turn the t.v. off. At least when he comes out of time out, he will talk to me, tell me what he did wrong and apologize. Then, for the most part he is much better for the rest of the day. But, if I relax on him at all, I find that he will whine and throw a fit all day.
Finally, my relationship with my husband has been a little strained. My husband was laid off from his job back in October. We still have a little money saved up and he does receive an unemployment check every week. The problem is, the unemployment check isn’t even a third of what he was making at his previous job. The strain to find a new job is wearing on him. He has made remarks lately about me not having a job. I told him, that I would find a job where I could work nights or weekends. He just comes back saying that, “Great. We will never see each other. That isn’t going to fix our problem.” So, now I am stuck with this feeling of disappointment from him, all the while knowing that homeschooling our children is where God wants me to be.
I found myself, completely saddened this morning. My teenager with feelings like we don’t have a relationship, my husband is disappointed at me for not having a job, my middle child is always grumpy and angry, and here I am trying to do the best that I know how in being a mom and wife. How did things become so distressed? So I went and took a shower and stood in the hot water crying. Till I finally found my answer.
The Answer to The “Fleight” on Our Shoulders
I prayed in that shower for quite awhile. “Dear Lord, help me. I want nothing more than to be a good mom and a good wife. Help me to be an example for them to follow. Show me the correct way in helping everyone. Give me the strength to continue being a good mom and wife. Lord, give me your strength and grace. Show me where I am going wrong.” Then he did.
He clearly said to me, “You want patience and understanding. You want to be more like me. How can you do this, when this week you haven’t even taken time to be in the Bible?” His voice smacked me right in the face. He was so correct. Being in the Bible everyday had made such a difference in my life for the past few years, yet, when I was sick this past week, I kept pushing aside reading God’s words. I kept telling myself that sleeping and being lazy (watching t.v.) was more important than spending time with God. How blind I had become.
Getting up every morning and spending time with God, is like drinking a cup of coffee, that is pure gold. It sets my heart on fire to seize the day. I find I am so much more patient, when I spend time with God in the morning first. I am more loving and understanding. I tend to forgive others easier. I have more energy. I just want to smile. It’s that feeling of walking in the sunshine on a hot day, with the cool breeze in your face and breathing in the freshest air ever. All of that comes from being with God in the morning, before everyone else gets up.
So all of the “fleight,” that I had been carrying around, didn’t seem so overwhelming anymore. I didn’t have my shield of patience on this week. My helmet of understanding had been lost. My sword of grace and forgiveness was dull and unused. Even my armour of happiness was tarnished. So I turned to God today, to fix my armour and once again be the super mom and wife that I know that I can be. Just, now, I am not trying to do it on my own.
So what are you struggling with in your family? Have you turned to God for help? If not, why not? What are you waiting for? Go, now and see what his word has in store for you. And may your “fleight,” get smaller everyday that you are in his word.
If this has helped you in anyway, please share with others on Facebook or twitter.