Letting Go and Letting God Be The Parent
One of the hardest things to do in life is to be a parent. I have read plenty of books on the idea of parenting. But, nothing can prepare you for when a child struggles with something that you can not help them with.
This past week I have watched my teenage daughter struggle in ways that has brought me to tears. Between boyfriend issues, a lot of tests at school and other obstacles, she has been a mess. I have tried to talk to her, hold her, just let her know that I am there for her. I have talked with grandparents, aunts and uncles about just showering her with love and attention. I don’t want her to feel alone, nothing has seemed to help.
So what do you do when you are out of your element, ask for help. I do not feel that I am capable of helping her with some of the emotional issues that are arising. She says that her emotions get so BIG that thoughts of suicide have crossed her mind. That feelings of just ending it all to make the pain go away, keep coming. This is no joke. I have gone from scared to sad to angry in the past few days. Now I am just exhausted.
Dealing With More Than You Can Handle
This past Monday I took her to a medical center for a mental evaluation. We were there for a little over 7 hours. They did a lot of medical examinations, including, chest x-rays, EKG, blood tests, and more. They didn’t find anything wrong, so they sent her to the psychologist, for a mental evaluation. She looked so upset and embarrassed. She kept saying that everyone was going to think that she was crazy now. I just kept explaining that we all need help sometimes and that getting help is better than bottling it all up inside and pretending that you are okay when you’re not.
The look on her face was heart breaking. I wanted to just grab her arm and run out the door with her. To take her somewhere where she could feel safe and loved again. Some place where I felt like I had more control in her life again. But, what would that solve. NOTHING!!! So I made myself calm down, put on a smile and started talking about anything in life that might make her smile.
After about an hour in the mental evaluation room, the psychologist came out to talk to me. She asked me if I had any concerns and I told her about how she said that her emotions would get so big that she thought about suicide. That it scared her. I told her about what was going on in her life that was causing stress. I then asked her straight up, if there were any red flags that she noticed. You see, my daughter is the child that gets good grades, helps others, is loved by her teachers, is honest, and wants to do well in life. I hadn’t seen her grades drop, her friends hadn’t changed, and nothing else in her life warranted a red flag to pop up. I was confused as to how to help her or what was going on.
The psychologist proceeded to tell me that she didn’t see any red flags either. That sometimes between hormones and other stressors, that their emotions just change. That’s great, but it still didn’t help me figure out what to do to help her. So I told the psychologist that what was going on with my daughter was out of my element and that I didn’t know how to help her anymore. She said, all that I could to was be there for her. To really listen to her. And to seek the help of a counselor.
So that is what we are doing. The hard part is that I think she forgot the most important part of all, the powerful element of GOD!!
God’s Role in All of This!!
God already knows what is going to happen way before we do. We can choose to obey and follow His plan, or we can try to make a path of our own. The second idea usually ends up with something bad happening, trust me I know.
So as I left the medical center this week and headed home, I just kept praying. Praying to God that He would have to be in charge of this situation. That He is the best parent for what is going on and that I would follow His lead.
I don’t want to go through this alone. I don’t want to fall helpless and afraid as her parent. And with God I do not have to.
“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” (Psalm 27:13-14)
“Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.” (Psalm 37:5)
“”For I am the LORD your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.'” (Isaiah 41:13)
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving
let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)
“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)
In the midst of a parenting storm, rely on Him. Know that our God is stronger than we will ever be. That He cares for us and loves our children more than we can ever imagine. That in Him we find peace and strength to keep moving on, trying to be the best parents that we can be.
If you are struggling with how to help your child, STOP right now and pray to God. Tell Him that you can no longer do this alone. That you need Him to step in and take control. That you are waiting on Him. That you trust Him and will follow Him in this situation.
Then, just sit back, be still and know that our God WILL provide a solution, if we just wait, listen and obey. Even though this is one of the hardest things to do in life, it is essential to our sanity, to our children turning out to be a Godly person, to our whole relationship with our kids.
Please comment below, how God has helped you as a parent. Or, how we may pray for you in your struggles as a parent.
May peace and strength be with you today and the days to come. God bless.