Favoring the Wrong Family Member
I have talked with so many moms that worry about their kids constantly. Should their kids be in this sport? Maybe they should be teaching their kid how to do this in school? Are they messing their child up? They need to run their kids to this homeschool group, or to this extracurricular activity, so that they can be with their friends. Our world revolves around our kids. God has really put it on my heart that we are making our kids into an idol. We are putting them before our relationship with God. And this is not right.
Child Centered Home
I have been a coach for 14 years now. I love coaching soccer. I have coached kids from the varsity level all the way down to 4 years old. Leading kids to not only become a good soccer player, but also to have good sportsmanship is a big passion of mine. There is nothing wrong with playing sports or being a coach.
I can feel the push inside of me, to be a super mom. One who has their kids in every extracurricular activity that there is. The need to feel like I am giving my kids all of the opportunities out there, so that they are a well rounded child. And the need is overwhelming. I can feel like such a failure when I say “NO,” to an extracurricular activity, because it would be too much for the family.
But, isn’t it okay to be over extended. That is just the way that things are. Mom is at one child’s game, while dad is running the other kid(s) to practice. No one has family time together, but the kids are becoming a better person by doing all of these activities. Or are they?
The funny thing is, is that this is the way that I have felt for a long time. Go, go, go. Run the rat race, because if not, you are a horrible mom.
I was talking with a mom about two months ago. Her two girls do not play sports in the fall, because this is when they hunt and can food from the garden together as a family. I told her I thought that her ideals were great. That she was creating a family unit, not a child centered, me, me, me home. She looked at me like I had four heads and proceeded to share with me that, “Not everyone feels like I do. Most people feel like she is ruining her kids for this decision.” I was shocked and mortified at the way this mom felt. She was taking time to create a stronger family and people were disappointed in her desicion. WOW!!
How did we ever get to the point where the kids rule over our time as a family?
When did we stop worrying about the family as a whole unit?
Supplying the Material Hungry Child
When I was a fourth grade teacher, I listened to a child, yell at her mother, because the new iphone had just come out and she wanted her mother to buy it for her, NOW!! I was so shocked at how the mom told her daughter, that as soon as she could afford to buy her the new phone, she would?
I would have disciplined my child if they had ever talked to me like that. Why do we allow ourselves to feel like we need to give our kids anymore than the necessities? God has bestowed so many blessings on our nation and we just disregard them. Creating an ungrateful society, that whines for more.
It is so easy to say, look at the next generation, they are so lazy. They want everything handed to them. No one wants to work for anything, anymore. Our nation is going under when this next generation takes over. But we were the parents of this generation. We created the monster. Now we want to sit back, and get mad at what we created.
God’s Ways are the Right Ways
Do you ever stop and ask God how he would like your family unit to run? Ask Him to show you what your role should look like as a mom/wife.
Love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your strength. ~ Deuteronomy 6:5
How often in this country do we truly do this? Do we make sure that God is put first, before our kids? Or, are we so busy being a taxi, driving them around to their next event, or shelling out money for the newest toy/gadget, that God becomes an after thought?
How can you love God with all of your heart, soul and strength, when you give it all to your kids?
In the book of Ephesians, God tells husbands to love their wives, as much as Christ loves the church. So much so that He died for it, willingly, putting their needs first. And women are to respect and submit to their husbands. Now, before you freak out, with this is 2019, and woman are all powerful, I am not negating that. I just want woman to see that after God, comes their husband. Not after God, comes your kids. Too often we swicth the two, in the roles of our lives. We put our kids first before everyone else, including our husband. This is completely wrong.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh. ~ Ephesians 5:31
It’s almost impossible to become one flesh, a marriage where you no longer think as two people, but as one, when your children are given more respect and love than your spouse. It’s hard to make a marriage work, when you don’t spend anytime working on it. When your whole life is consumed by your children. When is the last time that you did something special for your spouse? When is the last time that you two have talked about your dreams? Without time invested, your love tank runs empty and you find yourselves in the middle of a nasty divorce, that should have never happened.
Finally, we come to raising our kids.
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old
they will not turn from it. ~ Proverbs 22:6
Matthew Henry, in his commentaries, writes that, “Train up children in that age of vanity, to keep them from the sins and snares of it, in that learning age, to prepare them for what they are designed for…..Good impressions made upon them then will abide upon them all their days.” We are to keep them under discipline and train them as soldiers who can obey. If they stray from these teachings, then at least a parent can say that they did their duty, and they did it well. But, most likely a child will return to the way they were raised.
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord. ~ Ephesians 6:4
Though we are to discipline our children, we are not to abuse them. We are to love them with great tenderness, but not to the point that we make them weak or disobedient. You should counsel them, caution them, and correct them in the way that God would want you to.
The number one thing that children in juvenille homes wanted most from their parents wasn’t love, it was to have rules. To be disciplined. When this happend they knew that the parent truly loved them. Thus, creating an environment of respect. One where the child listens when the parent speaks.
So as they complain about all the things that they want, how horrible you are, or how everyone else has the newest electronic device, stand strong. Stand in God’s Word. Knowing that whomever spares the rod, doesn’t discipline their kids, hates his child. Harsh words, but true
Let’s reset our family goals this year, to create a stronger family unit. Not a child centered family. A family that eats together, laughs together and plays together.
We need to start standing up to worldly ideals, that we have to put our kids into every extracurricular activity, or else we are a horrible mom. Start realizing that hitting the brakes is not only beneficial to the family, but also to that child.
Finally, stop feeding the me, me, me monster that lives in every kid. They do not need the latest electronics, or toy. They do not get to talk back to you. They will start to listen, as we implement fair rules and stick to them. Knowing that God has called us to discipline and raise our kids up in His ways.
I know that being a mom is hard, but I think our nation creates an atmosphere that makes it harder than it should be. Stop comparing yourself to all the other moms around you and bask in the idea that God made you, your child’s mom for a reason.
May God bless you and keep you always,